The blog Improved Lives consistently features things I am interested in, and this article in The Atlantic on “multiple selves” is no exception.
Psychologist Paul Bloom writes there about his view on a significant debate in neuroscience: given that our brains have multiple subsystems, is there a “self” that’s in charge of all the other parts, or not?
He takes the position that in fact there are many “selves” – that dissociative identity disorder, in which a person displays multiple “personalities” which are largely unaware of each other, is only the extreme form of something we all do.
We do, of course, have continuity of experience and memory between our different selves, and this is what convinces us that we have a single “self”, even though that self may act very differently at different times. (“I wasn’t myself,” we excuse ourselves by saying.)
However, memory is easier to access, and more vivid and real, when we’re in the same state that we were in when we formed the memory. The arguments for the current self’s agenda are always the most cogent, and we can easily find ways to dismiss those of our other “selves”.
As Bloom points out, the creation of additional selves, in the form of fictional characters whom we identify with, is one of our most pleasurable activities. But there are drawbacks to this multiplicity as well. Consider cake.
Imagine that there are two “selves” within you, of which one wants to be slim, while the other wants to eat cake. (For some people this may not take a lot of imagination.) Most of the time, the slimming self is in charge, but under some circumstances – such as in the immediate presence of cake, or while stressed or upset – Cake Self takes over. Crumbs fly. Once the cake is gone, Slimming Self rushes back: “What have I done? I just have no self-control.”
It might be more accurate to talk about “selves-control”. The legendary Ulysses wanted to hear the singing of the Sirens, but he knew that the self that heard the Sirens would want to fling himself overboard. His central self decided that he wanted to hear them and continue to survive, so he had himself tied to the ship’s mast by his crew, who put wax in their ears and rowed past the Sirens. In the same vein, Bloom talks about “self-binding”, behaviours designed to prevent our future selves from sabotaging our present plans – and our best interests.
photo credit: Sebastia Giralt
But what if you could align the agendas of the different selves? This is what I set out to do with one of the key techniques I use in hypnotherapy, which I call the “parts conference”.
We are whole people, even if it may not always seem that way, with a mind and body which are bound together and share a common interest. Sometimes, though, like residents of a country (or a town, or a household), our selves don’t agree on how that common purpose is best served, or even what it is. Hence, the parts conference.
photo credit: Gaetan Lee
The basic idea of the parts conference is to get the different selves, with their particular perspectives, needs and drives, to communicate with one another and agree on a common plan of action for the whole person which meets all of those needs and leaves the whole person safe and well. Frequently, the sub-selves, like Cake Self above, are driven by fear in one way or another: fear that there won’t be food, fear of the social situation which is alleviated by consuming something sweet and fatty (like mother’s milk, the original comfort food), even, illogically, fear of being rejected for one’s overweight appearance.
It doesn’t matter what the need is or what the fear is; I don’t spend a lot of time digging round for it. The client may not be ready to hear it consciously in any case, or may come up with something which is plausible but a smokescreen for the real issue. It’s possible to waste a lot of time digging into the past when the problem is the situation that exists in the present, and the solution is changed behaviour in the future coming from a new arrangement between the selves.
photo credit: jordigraells
Often, the sub-self that indulges in the behaviour that is unwanted by the main self is an immature self, a self that was formed when the person was quite young and which dealt with a difficult situation in the best way it could at the time, with the limited understanding of a child. Because the situation it is dealing with is often a situation of fear, the main self has learned to avoid thinking about the fear and leave the sub-self to continue dealing with it. Especially as the main self develops guilt and shame about the behaviour of the sub-self, the likelihood of much communication between the main self and the sub-self diminishes, and the sub-self is never updated with new information and new wisdom that the main self has gained in the process of maturing.
The parts conference re-establishes contact with the sub-self. It’s as if the sub-self was one of those Japanese soldiers on islands in the Pacific who never heard that the Second World War was over and it was OK to come home now. By compassionately and appreciatively approaching the sub-self, acknowledging its work and the importance of its needs and of safety for the whole person, and updating it on how that might be best achieved, we reintegrate it into our inner society. I ask the creative and problem-solving parts of the person to be involved also, coming up with good strategies so that the sub-self can feel safe and doesn’t need to persist with the unwanted behaviours.
I find that this approach, together with specific therapeutic suggestions for new thoughts, feelings and behaviours, works very well to help people change.
Technorati Tags: integration, multiple personality, self, selves, parts therapy, dissociation, neuroscience, personal change,
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