Change Your Life: Living Skillfully

Last week I surveyed selected members of my mailing list about what they wanted to see in the Emotional Circuit-Breaker Toolkit, because I want to make it really useful. (It’s already been useful for me – and I’ll talk about that some more soon – but I want it to be useful for you.)

What I actually asked them was:

1. What would you change about your emotional life if you could?
2. What is your ideal outcome if you had a solution for question 1? Put another way: What benefit would you see in your life from being able to make that change?

The results are in (thanks to all who responded), and I’d like to share them with you now. I’ve edited them slightly for spelling and grammar, but otherwise what I quote below are the respondents’ own words.

The responses fell into two clear groups – what I call the “confidence” group and the “stress” group. Let’s look at them separately.

Confidence

Confidence was about, as one person put it, “fear of failure, looking foolish”, or as another said, “reacting to what I perceive to be people’s judgement on me” (his or her emphasis). Another said, “I wish I could always believe in myself, and be strong and true to myself, and not doubt my beliefs, and not succumb to other people’s beliefs and expectations of me.” That’s well put (and a good goal).

The reasons for wanting confidence went like this:

• I could then embark on a new consulting career, present my product, talk confidently and convincingly to an audience.
• I could relax a lot more in other people’s company and stop worrying about going out.
• [I would] feel safe and secure in the knowledge that I am worthy.

The good news: I was already planning to include one of my best hypnotherapy tracks, Confident Person, as a bonus for the first 100 people to sign up for the Emotional Circuit-Breaker Toolkit. I’d been wondering, though, whether it should just be part of the kit. Now I know: It should be, and it shall be, included for everyone.

I’ll think of something else to give as a bonus to the early adopters.

Stress

Stress is obviously a big part of why our emotions get stirred up in the first place, and it’s a fixture of most modern lives. Stress management is a huge part of what I help people with, too. So it’s no surprise to read responses like this:

• I would like to be less stressed, I would like to be able to go to bed at night, wake in the morning NOT having thoughts of work as the last and first things in my head.
• Sometimes when stress and tiredness takes over motivation and good decisions go out the window. Goals suffer, likewise health & relationships.
• I’d be able to let go of things and not have them eat away at me.

People are also pretty clear on the benefits of dealing with stress:

• Much more “ho hum” about work, making it more of ‘working at work time’ – not having it part of my life 24/7
• Less stress, more energy, better balance, structure & organisation, improved health and relationships and goal attainment.
• More present in where I am, better able to relax and to sleep

The good news: Stress management, especially by letting go, has been at the heart of the Toolkit from the start. There’s plenty of material on relaxation, as well. One thing I will consider adding is a specific sleep track, since a couple of people mentioned sleep – I already have one, so I can just include it in the list of bonuses.

I’ve been going back and forth on whether to include a module on stress specifically (what it is and how it works), or whether to make that a separate free course that’s introductory to the Emotional Circuit-Breaker Toolkit. I still haven’t decided, so if you have a strong opinion, let me know in the comments.

What Else?

There was one other response, slightly cryptic: “eating instead of acting”. I take this to mean that this is something the respondent is doing and wants to stop, but I’m going to follow that one up to make sure.

It raises the question: Should I say some things specifically about the means that people often use to manage their emotions – eating, smoking, drinking etc.? I do cover these in my book, Changing Health Behaviours, so I don’t want to just repeat the information there, but I do want to go over them at least briefly. Again, your opinions in the comments, thanks.

And finally, what else am I already planning to include (and should I leave some of it out or make it into separate products? Again, I welcome your opinions in the comments.) In summary, I’m planning:

• Techniques to deal with past emotional hurts and continuing emotional pain
• Quick techniques to break the immediate emotional “circuits” that carry you round and round the same emotional territory
• Deep techniques to change your underlying emotional patterns and build a positive emotional life
• Specific techniques for anger, sadness and fear (including phobias)

I’ve had one comment that the amount of material in the Toolkit is “overwhelming”, and I’m also conscious of the price point – I don’t want to make a Rolls-Royce for a Mazda audience. How would you feel about a series or a set of related products, since I’ll be encouraging you to pick and choose what you need anyway?

Your Mission

Here are my follow-up questions. Answers to any or all of these in the comments, please:

1. If you didn’t answer my survey (or even if you did and have thought of something else), what are your answers to the questions? (Those questions again: What would you change about your emotional life if you could, and what would be your main benefit from doing so?)
2. Would you like a stress module in the Emotional Circuit-Breaker Toolkit, or do you see that as a separate thing? (No extra charge in either case, it will either be a bonus or a freebie.)
3. What about material on the common stress management techniques of eating, drinking and smoking? How much do you want me to say?
4. Anything that I’ve put in that you want me to leave out, or make into a separate product?

The best comment this week will win something. Exactly what will depend on the comment, since I want it to be something you’d like, but it will be something I’ve made.

Have at it!

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